A Personal Respomse....

This post is a personal response to two posts made by a certain someone dated on 20 June 2007 - the person in question would know who she is.

Firstly, I would like to apologise for "giving a face" when she gave me a suggestion. But I had my reason for it. The reason might not justify the action but nonetheless it is a reason. The story goes like this:

The person in question had requested that we hold a certain event at our place instead of another (the request did not come from her personally but through another source. I would have appreciated it if she had told me herself cos' I know she would have expected the same from us). Anyway, even though it would be quite cumbersome to have the event at our place (transporting the food over, cleaning up after, etc), we agreed to her request as we really want to make things easier for her and in her favour cos' we respect her and care for her. So, after making arrangements to have the venue changed, she suggested, on another day, that we change the itinerary for the event and have a simpler one. Those who know me well would know that I don't like last minute changes to my plans so you can imagine my reaction (i.e. "the face") at having adviced to change my plan, after I already made one major change (i.e. the venue). There, that's my reason for making the face. Like I said it might not be justifiable but it is MY reason.

Also, as my family and friends would know, I am one who can't be angry or displeased about something or at someone for long. In fact, I had forgotten about this "making of the face" issue until I saw it on the person's blog this morning. Imagine my surprise! No wonder she had not come around to visit us lately (it would have been exactly a week today since her last visit); was cold towards me when I called her; and didnt reply my SMS.

Anyhow, I would have thought she would tell me how she felt about the issue to me in person and not let me discover it in her blog. In any case, since she had used her blog as an outlet to let me know about this issue, I feel it is apt to do likewise, here. I hope she accepts my apology cos' I know she is not a petty person and is very forgiving. I would also like to let her know that I appreciate all the advices that she gives and hopes that she continues to do so.

But just to highlight one matter, the event in question, although is largely influence by the Malay culture, is not against Islam's practices. I lifted this information from the Muis website: "Majlis kenduri atau bacaan maulid berzanji yang diadakan serentak dengan majlis mencukur rambut itu tidaklah menyalahi peraturan syariat. Akan tetapi perbuatan menabur beras kunyit, wang, bertih serta memasukkan potongan rambut itu ke dalam mangkuk atau kelapa muda adalah perbuatan khurafat." So be rest assured, we won't have the berat kunyit, wang, bertih, etc, during the event.

MILs and their DILs

My Secondary school friends visited me a few days ago as I had just given birth to a baby boy on 30 May 2007, three weeks shy of my estimated delivery date on 18 June 2007. Both gals who visited me are pregnant. We started talking about pregnancy and delivery at first. Somehow along the way the topic switched to about mother-in-laws. My two friends had each married into Indian Muslim families and they found it very hard to adjust to the practices of their husbands' families. One complained about the food - having to eat curry and rice cooked with salt, everyday; while the other complained about the MIL dressing her one-year-old daughter in sexy clothings - read tube tops and hot pants! -- please note that my friend is a pious gal, who wears tudung while her MIL is one who dresses sexily although she is in her 40s.

Both didnt understand why MILs have to meddle in their sons' family affairs - given that the sons now have grown up and have their own families. Not enough that these MILs meddle in their sons' affairs but they also like to have things done their own ways, regardless what their sons and daughter in laws think. To make things worse for their daughter in laws, their husbands are "Mommy's boys" so there is no way the sons will go against their Mothers. All my friends can do is suffer in silence as they are told to do things against their will, cos' they did not want to be seen as rude daughter in laws.

My views on this? I feel that although we are in the 21st century and many women are now holding high posts in the corporate world, one thing still remains -- we have to be docile to our husbands and his family. It doesnt matter if at work we are aggressive, when at home, we have to be as meek as a lamb. I feel this scenario is hypocritical but I am sometimes guilty of it too. I mean can we afford to be perceived as rude to our husbands' family members?

Anyway, I hope that MILs out there can be more understanding and not force their own ways on their sons and daughter-in-laws. I mean I am sure there is a limit to a daughter-in-law's patience, right? If she always gives in or compromises to your demands, can't you do the same too? After all, your daughter-in-law is brought up differently, with a different background and sets of values so you can't expect her to agree with everything you say or ask to do. Plus, you wouldnt want your daughter-in-law and your son to quarrel cos' of you - cos' that's what my two gal friends said they argue about with their husbands.

I just hope that my two gal friends will have better relationships with their MILs in the near future. Good luck, L and Z! ;)

p.s: I have nothing against Indian Muslims. It just so happens that my Malay gal friends are married to one. My mentioning it here is just an example of how difference in cultures/backgrounds can cause clashes.